I'm Still Alive!

Kinda, sorta... Not really.

Between being sick, working, and prepping for the hospital presentation, I've definitely not been around much. Started a new job just before the Thanksgiving weekend- I'm now slogging it out at a warehouse 50+ hours a week, so I finally understand how it feels to live in constant pain. Fortunately, it does not involve office politics or dronery- I'd rather work myself to death than be bored to it.

Nonetheless, I would have completely forgotten about this blog, had it not been for a chance meeting with Lee Thompson, head of the WFNB, at the grocery-store this past weekend. He is, by the way, a wonderful writer- at the Find Yourself in Fiction workshop on the 1st, we had the privilege of hearing several excerpts from his novel in progress, and learned from him how not to be pasta. Yes, it's delicious, but boring without the sauce, and other accoutrements- a theory that Lee taught us to apply to our writing... No wonder I didn't see any ramen in his shopping-basket.

The most-interesting part of the workshop, though, was that we were able to get our hands dirty. Lee had brought in a rejected submission from The Galleon (his former literary journal), and let us dissect it- at first glance, the writing wasn't terrible; but, as we stripped it to the bare bones, I was able to understand why it had been relegated to the slush-pile.

-

Sadly, I am still without a real 'pooter. This one is on its last legs, though I'll (hopefully) be able to replace it before the start of NaNoWriMo- their site has been updated, so head on over to check out the new layout. I must get back to noveling, but will be back soon... that is, if the job doesn't kill me first.

Peace,
El Veeb.

Humour For Writers/Save P & E!

Hai.

Today is August 24th- female protag K's birthday (were the novel in real-time, she'd be 24 on the 24th)! Therefore, I shall commemorate the occasion by sharing these websites for writers; they're scathingly-funny, and let's just say that, after reading the posts there, you'll be glad that those queries weren't yours. Or, if they are yours, then I can't help you.

SlushPileHell
Miss Snark (inactive since 2007, but still worth reading)

Also, just found out that Preditors & Editors is being sued for trying to protect us writerly folk against vanity presses, scammers and so-called "agents". They are currently accepting donations to mount a legal defense- visit their website to save writers everywhere from scamnation.

Onward, upward, & Edward (my uncle, not Cullen)!

Immo vs. Emo: The AP Upgrade.

Holy lack of postage!

I'm almost sad to see May go... After all of the epic adventures I had that month- Fryefest, Donna Morrissey, Trimedia N.B, Youtube fun- it's going to be a tough act to follow! I can't believe it's gone already!

To add to this ever-growing frustration is the AP upgrade- since I'm not posting there (I can't- I'm staff, and don't have the same rights to free speech as everyone else), I shall let it be known that:

I HATE THE FREAKING UPGRADE!

That site has been my home away from home (away from home) for the last five years, and I'm seriously thinking about leaving. I've cancelled my gold-membership, given up on posting anything, and just can't find the energy to do my job properly. Were I not so emotionally-invested in the place, I'd have already left- I've opened accounts on other sites, including Deep Underground Poetry and Writerscafe.com (they have agent listings there, too).  I've also discovered the AAR Database, which is a great tool for writers- even if I'm not writing at the moment, I can still attempt to market the damn thing.

Onward & upward, I suppose.

Life In This Corner, [Un]Scripted.

EXT.   DOWNTOWN OTTAWA   DAY

Fade in-

Closeup of a pretty outdoor cafe on Bank Street. K. and M. are standing outside, drinking coffee and chatting about whose life sucks more.

K.

She scares me, you know. That part, 

where that thing happens? Not fair!
What has gotten into that author of
ours, M.? She used to be so nice!

M.

I don't know. Last I heard, she was

planning to send this thing off to an

agent, or something- how could she

leave us alone? I might break a nail!

Just then, THE AUTHOR appears. She is in her mid-20s and not bad-looking; she is carrying a brown bag and a binder, and takes a sip of her diet Coke as she approaches them.

THE AUTHOR

Hey, you guys.

K.

What do you want now?

M.

Let me guess... They hate us. 

Everyone does. It must be because

I'm so hardcore. No one gets me.

THE AUTHOR

Whoa, you guys... What's up

with all the negativity? I was

just going to tell you what an

awesome time I had at the NB

Film Co-Op's screenwriting class.

K.

That's awesome! I've always 

wanted to be in a movie!

M. 

Just what your big head needs, K.

You're nuts, and so is Ms. Author-

Lady. Nothing good ever happens 

to us... Why is that? Because you

(points to The Author)

are a sadist, and clearly hell-bent

on exploiting us for fun and profit!

K.

Wait a sec. Look, Author Lady...

I'm glad you had fun. Even though

I whine about most of your plot

and really don't like sharing the

stage with a spotlight-hog like M.,

we've had some good times. I'll 

definitely be in your script... 

if you'll have me, that is.

THE AUTHOR

Of course, K. You're pretty cool,

and I'd love to have you... and

M., too, if he changes his mind.

He'll probably warm up to the idea

when he finds out that there's a 

guitar-solo for him in Act Five.

M. 

Really? I think I'm in love,

Author Lady... Sign me up!

THE AUTHOR

I knew you'd both see things

my way. I must be going now,

but I'll be back to check in

later. Peace out, you two!

(Aside)

Now, where did I put that pencil-

sharpener?

EXIT AUTHOR

FADE OUT.

Dead Author Shirt Has Arrived!

Yes, it has- I ordered it a few weeks ago, after meeting Margaret Atwood (it's one of her designs) and it turned up in my post last night around 3 p.m. Here it is:

See? Without us, those agents (editors, booksellers, etc.) would not have jobs!

To all of the aspiring writers out there, who are going through some form of this process with me, I wish you the very best. Keep following your dreams!

Gelato calls!
L.